Sunday Musings - The Eavy Metal Galleries (And How They Kept Me Going)
Warning. The following Sunday Musings is not in any way the usual glib and snarky prose I usually write. There's a lot of real world issues here that I cover, so if you want to skip this one, I will not be offended.
I've often pondered when it comes to the Sunday Musings on how personal these essays should be. Are they a look at the personal journey through the hobby, or a more in depth look at a certain topic?
The answer of course, is that they are exactly what I decide they are each time I sit down for that hour and a half window and attempt to write something that isn't drivelling nonsense. That part is up to you to decide.
However, this week's release is a little different, and there's no way to talk about this stuff without it being a very personal, and often difficult read. If you are here for the snark and the information, I'm afraid this week is something of an indulgence into why I started scanning and archiving the Eavy Metal Galleries and how the simple act of doing so managed to keep me going.
But first, lets go back to the beginning. Back in 2017 when George and myself started working out what would become the Fluffenhammer, I was looking into all sorts of areas for content for the site. We know a podcast was going to be the main focal point and I brought a lot of the te4mplates over from the Old Oilhouse and I knew that making sure there were multiple updates a week would need to happen. From here came the H.A.T., the Humble Archive Troll and scans of old Mail Order pages, the videos of exploring lore from an in-universe perspective and a host of other ideas*. Some I felt worked, some didn't. So other things were tried to see how they went.
Roll into 2019 and I got married, and began to realise that I had something of a problem. And this I'm afraid is where the serious part of this article is going to come into play.
I have a problem with alcohol. I was always kind of aware of it in the background but it went from “one's too many and two's not enough” to finishing work and needing to have a drink. Towards the end of 2019 I managed to apply the brakes and went teetotal. Still am thankfully. It took a lot of work to get there with a lot of support.
2020 happened, and this is where things began to crack. My son was born in January of 2020 and had to stay in hospital for an extended period before being allowed to come home. Covid happened and I had to start working a difficult job from home, while we were staying with my In-Laws (who I can never thank enough for managing a very difficult situation) with a new born. Towards the end of 2020 my father was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer after collapsing. I'd been through enough therapy around this time to realise that my issues with alcohol stemmed from not being able to deal with the death of my mother in 2006 (also from cancer) and I entered freefall. Whilst in better place than I was even a year before, a lot of fear had crept into me as I knew that there was a lot of train journeys in my immediate future. A lot of time sitting and thinking, which was never going to go well.
It was here that the idea of using that time to do site work came into view. The Eavy Metal Galleries were the first one, really simple to set up and put together but enough to keep me engaged and in the present. Those first few weeks exploded, with people sharing and sending messages talking about the memories they had from those times. It created a buffer for someone who, during 2021 and 2022 was barely holding things together. It's not an overstatement to say that those message from people I'd never met nor spoke to before did more than they could ever know, and I thank them all for that.
This journey was both something to help me find the time and space to get one foot out in front of the other, and it became more as I began to recognise the same names liking and sharing. The Fluffenhammer discord settled into it's place and community grew into a place of like minded individuals enjoying the space. Whilst it started well after the fact, these weekly gallery updates have ingrained into the Fluff for me, especially as it became clear to me that I refused to miss a week. Whilst those events that created the need for the Galleries are past, the Galleries themselves are a totem to the path that was taken. As they have now come to an end, it feels bittersweet to say goodbye. Granted, no more 6am grabbing the files that I'd yet to put up is welcome... but the personal achievement for keeping this going for as long as it did, for making it happen each and every week is something I'll miss. I owe it much, and it's sad to say goodbye.
Something will replace it in due course, but for now, I'm taking some time off from weekly updates. Apart from everything else that needs to happen weekly.
Until next time, I remain
Adam
*A podcast / site started in 2009 that did ridiculously well. Like, there was no reason for it to have ever become as popular as it did
**Including the bloody stupid one of doing readings of the free fiction Warcom puts out. This still haunts me to this day.